a thought that i strongly believe in and would also like to share........

life is an adventure in forgiveness................

WISH.. COULD ERASE MY MEMORY..

Sometimes you wish you had not said something or never been into something but you happen to do it and it so happens that …..that thing keeps on coming back and you cannot get it out of your head.
I had wished many times if i could get a part of my memory just wiped off just like a eraser so that it does not remind me of something or someone in the past ,but we are not so lucky for we have got a very complex and efficient brain that stores all the things that it should not and you have no control over it .have you ever noticed that we do exactly opposite of what we were supposed to do, probably this is because we try so hard not to do something that we are reminded of that thing more and more and you do exactly what you we not supposed to do. thoughts yes yes my dear thoughts they are your biggest enemy they come up from any where at any time even when you are asleep .thoughts is what's making me write these stuff and i cant believe you r reading this crap .i am sure after reading my blog you will all end up like me always in thoughts…..

CHALLENGES....

It’s been quite some time since I’ve blogged a proper entry….so here it is…

Work….has been terrible. I don’t find it tough neither do I find it challenging. Doing nothing and staring into space is not I call work. I tried to contribute but most of the time, I feel that I’m not needed there. Many people know that I take work seriously and I don’t slack. I expect something that can be beneficial for my future use but it’s more worse than what I experienced . I fear that it’ll affect my review badly and I really need someone to pull me up.

I know that it’s only the first year but first impression really counts. You know, it’s just the first year and I’m starting to drag work. The reason?? I have no work to do. I’m willing to learn even though it’s out of what I specialize in. I’m a woman, I know, and I dress nicely and even wear make-up to work, but that doesn’t mean I’m fragile. What matters is that I’m willing to get down and dirty and that I have the experience to get my submissions done on time.... I don’t really care…as long as I’ve got a good impression...

Challenge is my life. I’ll die of boredom if I live in slack everyday. It defeats the purpose of being a designer.

I’m starting to walk towards the future. I’ve only a year and a half to plan on what I’m going to do with my life. For now, I’m going to learn how to drive and to get my license by the end of the year. Insya’Allah…. I’m also taking in some advice from the elders and professionals on where should I start.

For now, I’m hanging on the line. I know I have a bright future but the pathway to that future is so dim that I can’t see the direction I’m going.

The relationship that I’m in now, is a huge challenge for me. Like every other woman, I treasure my relationship. It’s something that gives me many-many good things in life like happiness, pleasure and love. But what makes it challenging is that I’m the one maintaining it. I’m the one leading it. But…I don’t want the power. I just want to be the follower for at least that part of my life….

Our relationship challenged my patience. Well, I naturally do not have a high level of tolerance and patience. Because of the faith and love that I have for him, and him only, I’m willing to learn to tolerate the type of person he is. Although I have my bursting periods and that there was even a time when I really thought that I can’t take it anymore, I know that I can’t stand to lose someone who has been a part of my life for so long. Someone whom I admire for sooo many things. Someone whom I’ve developed deep emotional feelings for. Someone who’s already like my the other half.... but.... the only mistake "I" did... was didnt move smartly.... didnt take it tht serious..... and due to which had to face many problems.... for which v had to part.........

Now, being apart is what I hate most. We live so near yet we are always so faraway from each other. He’s either too busy or too tired. It’s not like as if I’m too free or that I’m not tired. Being too busy or tired doesn’t mean that you have to segregate yourself. I’m willing to sacrifice my rest, even when I’m exhausted, just to be with him or that just find a time you know, for whatever it is. We have phones, internet and all the high tech stuffs to enable us to communicate everyday. but somehow.... the fear of being caught again...... and ofcourse he is right..... dont wanna screw up his life nemore........
But being in love is pleasure. It is not some sort of work that needs so much of maintanance and attention. Love is natural. Love is selfish and you only share it with the person you love. For love, you would sacrifice anything, even something as precious as time….... then y he wants me to forget him............???
FOR THIS IS THE BIGGEST CHALLENGE OF MY LIFE TO FORGET HIM.......... which is not even next to impossible.... but a complete NO for me......

LASTING FRIENDSHIP OR THE LAST OF IT......

Is it true that we all have a dark side? Is the world changing or are the moralistic standards undergoing a drastic change or are they running parallel? Its always been there…Comparisons. You know each generation to the next and vice-versa. But what do we really know or care. Friendships in life, as I see it is like a mixed bags of nuts- while some valuable to us others not so!

To each his own, I say. That’s to be on the safer side as you don’t really know who stings you and when! Its people closest to you that matter or do they? Who is really close to you and for how long? Sometimes even the longest of friendships turn sour, friends who swear by you, who profess to understand you when all in all it’s just a Mutual admiration society each with their own plate of beer battered mushrooms…you taste it and you’ll know what I’m talking about!
As Martin Luther king Jr said,” We will remember not the words of our enemies but the silence of our friends.”

When I see my fathers generation, I see truer friendships, tolerance and understanding of viewpoints despite of course, heated Arguments but underneath it all Respect! You can see it in the eyes and feel it in the heart. Where has it all gone, I wonder? Nowadays, friendships are more like Whiffs of perfume” Pleasant while they last”. It might sound a little polemical but its definitely true.

So why is it that we, who have the best of everything, and striving for more cannot go back in time to really form bonds that last just this one lifetime. Why cant we just let go of the evil superego within us and truly look into and blend with our Conscience. Why don’t we make that little effort and get rid of the brown nose syndrome and treat everybody with some respect. Lets redefine and rekindle the meaning of friendship

AIMING FOR BETTER............

This year came so quickly and I wasn’t the least bit prepared for it. I’m more stressed this year and I don’t know why. I guess it’s because not only are the years passing by, but I’m getting older. So of course I’m going to be looking forward to a lot more this year. I have this biggest feeling we’re up for some amazing or may be wild , creeky things this year. Not just as a whole but individually as well. Sometimes what we go through as a whole, helps us see things in ourselves individually. Everyone says the new year brings new changes but we bring the changes ourselves if we want to make changes. I could personally do without the bad stuff though =p. Everyone’s making all of these resolutions knowing damn well they aren’t going to go through with them. Personally, I think resolutions are stupid because it throws our focus off of what we really should be doing. When I was younger, I made lots of resolutions. Now that I’m older I’m realizing how really stupid and pointless they are. I guess some people need that to have some sort of order in their lives .

Life has been pretty good with me to say the least. Things aren’t exactly how I want them to be but shit, I’m not complaining, things can get much worse. The only thing I stress myself about is trusting people and then becoming dependant . But thats it…... I thought about it a lot and now the only thing gonna look forward to is my career…. I’m getting closer to my dreams and I will reach them. I’ve never been a lazy person and I’ve always had drive and ambition. That’s what pushes me everyday to do what I have to do. That and the fact that I’m stubborn as hell and I DREAD giving up on anything. But then somewhere u need a friend , a guide , someone u know who will be always there wid you….. and this is where .. till date.. I used to get disturbed… for I used to go searching for a friend and the new people I met… gave a real tough time in this last two months.. but now got to get out of all this….wanna stay alone.. don’t need anyone anymore…. . I have always told myself that I never wanted to be a failure. Some people say that the environment has an effect on people, that’s true, however , some people choose to take it to a bad place. I use this negative energy surrounding me as a push to get where I want to be in life. I don’t even want to be rich (although I don’t mind ), I just want to live comfortably.

All I’m going to say is…FUCK OFF to all the fuckers around……………………

BETRAYED......

You pumped my heart after squeezed it dry. You offered a hand after you pushed me hard. You hugged and told me that it's alright after you sat there and watched me cry.
You have weakened me inside.
I have no shoulders to cry but to sulk it up inside. I have no one to tell but my own selfish self.I hold so many secrets, so many stories, so many heartaches. No one will understand, no one will approve. Or maybe I was blinded, and I was wrong, for giving my world, to only you.

LEFT UNHEARD.......

If a condition comes when u are left with no possible hope, obviously u wanna work urself out of the unfortunate situation, remember always as they say
Do or die
But in either case u’ll have to die as definitely at that point of time ur doings will not favour u. u know what, they say life is short, really short but if u try to live every damn second of it it’ll prove to be longer, longer than u expected, longer than anybody in this cruel & inhumane world would have ever felt. These felt longer days & weeks & months would not delight u, take my words, it will never. So try to play with ur lives. I mean don’t think about it on & on don’t at least piss urself off. Let it be the way it is, the way u demand. The way ur heart wants it .the way ur soul wanna breathe in. I’m not being rude but for some time of ur day never think about anyone coz believe me they care the least about u. seriously speaking u know it. Didn’t u feel it? Were they all with u when u were sitting alone in the room writing these ever frustrating words? Or were they beating the doors of your room when u skipped in there & secretly cried? No they weren’t. they were never , are never& they will never be there for u. so remember never to give up ur lives for any person be he/she the sweetest, dearest & unforgettable of all.
Because do not make someone a priority in Ur life if u are just an option in his.
Because Ur lives are entirely urs. They are not, in any case, their equipment, a game [though it may sound clichéd] which they can use for their own purpose.
You know what u r ruining urself. Believe me. You hurt urself Ur own soul & that in my view is the biggest crime of all sorts. Your soul which is their with u all the time. it was their when u came in this world & opened Ur eyes. It was their when u had ur first wound. it was their when u got less marks in maths & will be their when u’ll be reaching for the skies .
Do good in life. Never think bad .agreed. But pls think about urself in the first place. This is not a selfish approach. Believe me it is not. You came in this world alone & will have to leave alone. So between this entry & exit walk down the aisle of life as u would have never walked. Walk for urself pls .pls do not be influenced by anyone. It ruins one’s life. I am telling u live is too short to learn from Ur own mistakes so it’s better u love from other’s mistakes.
Whatever u wanna do, do for urself.